Biff

Some things just rankle me, and I go out of my way not to get rankled.  This is why I seldom watch the news, preferring written text and substance over flash and smilin’ white teeth newscasters.

So there I was checking my Facebook page when a post rankled me.  The fact that I am home with a major head cold and I am very cranky didn’t help.   The post about “cops” shutting down a lemonade stand didn’t at first get me fired up even though that is stupid in and of itself, it was the responses.  Yep, those dang cops cruise around just looking for lemonade stands to shut down.  Not.

Every time I see one of these stories, and admittedly their have been a lot of them lately, whether it be lemonade stands, crosses in peoples yards, bible studies in peoples home, etc; the writer always blames the “cops” for shutting them down, making them remove them or not allowing them to assemble.

Newsflash:  It aint the cops.  It is you.  Yep, you heard me right.  It is you whether by action or inaction.  The Police do not make the laws.  You do by electing representatives to make them for you.  Or you don’t vote an in so doing you have given them carte blanche to do whatever they want.

I know of no Police Officers who revel in the thought of shutting down some 9 years olds lemonade stand.    I would be willing to bet that the Police Officers had probably driven by this criminal enterprise (lemonade stand) several times before someone called and complained, forcing them to reluctantly “do something.”

So here is how the "system" really works:

Biff decides to run for office, say as a City Councilman.  Not so he can serve the public mind you, but rather so he can serve himself for some interest that you the voter never finds out about.  Sorry boys and girls, these folks are not altruistic.  That is a fairy tale.

Biff panhandles around for campaign contributions to help him get elected.  He approaches Bob who owns the Burger Barn.  Bob is all to happy to support Biff, as Biff has promised Bob that with that campaign contribution grease, if elected he will look into certain city ordinances that cost Bob money he would rather not pay.

Biff gets elected and all is well.  Until one day that Bob drives past little Billy’s house notices that Billy is selling lemonade for 25 cents a glass at a stand set up on the sidewalk.  Biff doesn’t want to lower the price of the lemonade he sells at the Burger Barn for $1.25 to be competitive with Billy.  So this same paper bag filled with bovine fecal material, which preaches to anyone who will listen to him about free enterprise and capitalism ad nausea, calls up Biff.  He reminds Biff of that juicy campaign contribution – not coming right out and telling Biff that he owes him, but Biff gets the memo.

Bob tells Biff about Billy, and how Billy (who is actually practicing free enterprise and capitalism) is hurting lemonade sales at Bob’s Burger Barn.  Bob tells Biff how dangerous it is for children to be selling anything that close to the roadside.  Someone is likely to get hurt.  So in the interest to public safety, Bob proposes that Biff scratch out a city ordinance prohibiting lemonade stands within 100 feet of the roadside.

Biff wanting to keep the payola rolling in takes his proposed ordinance to the city council.  He talks it up as a safety issue to "protect the children." Who in their right mind can be against the safety of children right?

The council overwhelmingly approves the ordinance and everyone is happy.  A few weeks go by and Bob sees that the lemonade stand of Billy’s is still operating.  Worse, he notices a local Gendarme purchasing lemonade and chatting with the lad.  Horrors.

Bob then calls Biff, who calls Bloviate, the Chief of Police.  Biff reminds Bloviate that he took an oath to enforce the laws of the City and that he is responsible for the safety of the public. 

So Bloviate sends some of his officers down to Billy’s lemonade stand to explain to Billy that his lemonade stand is violating a city ordinance, and that if wants to stay in business he has to move his stand back 100 feet.  Billy’s dad is understandably upset and explains to the officers that if Billy did that his stand would be in the back yard not visible to anyone and no one would buy the lemonade.

Billy’s dad calls the press, who dutifully reports the actions of the jack booted local police.  Billy’s out of business; the police feel like idiots for upholding their oath; the City Council is happy because they can tell their constituents that they are all about public safety and then question the "actions of the police"; the press gets a story that sells; the public is outraged at the police; Biff is happy because he can continue to receive Bob’s campaign contribution, and Bob is the biggest winner of all as he can continue to charge the residents whatever he thinks he can get away with for his lemonade without the worry of a little free market competition.

If reading about a little boy getting his lemonade stand shut down by the cops upsets you, or if reading about a little old lady who is fined for having a cross in her yard makes your blood boil, do me a favor; stop electing Biffs.  The “cops” are on your side.